OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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