Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
