I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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