she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
