Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
