I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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