I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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