The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
