Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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