Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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