The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
