and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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