i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.