glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me