There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona