accomplished twins. life is a go
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette