god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
