yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
