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I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Randomize
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