Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee