is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative