I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
