i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
