Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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