So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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