What a fucking waste of an outfit
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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