I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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