Im at strip club and am horny
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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