It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like, not good at living.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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