Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
