woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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