"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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