I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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