Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.