im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything