p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.