every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating