I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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