theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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