I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
