At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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