So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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