I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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