god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she peed on how many people?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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