Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't deserve a penis
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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