If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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