I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize