he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You've changed since you got that strap on
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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