sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
