I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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