So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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