Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am