If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit