Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to