would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.