I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize