I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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