I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
