Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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