the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
