come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
